I don’t know if I belong here. Do I battle anxiety? No. Like I said, I don’t know if I belong here. Statistically, I should be.
I met God when I was three years old, nearly 40 years ago. I met my mother’s husband when I was eight. I knew the love of The Father for five years, and now I was stuck with the infatuation of a father. They did not mix very well. Oil and water. Throughout those years, I memorized the Word of God. I clung to it, really. His Words drowned out the emptiness. They became my foundation. Life was hard; pain was real. But I always heard His love sung over me. His words washed through me as its promised two-edged sword separated the foul from His Truth. It fought in ways I didn’t see until I got older and was questioned about my lackadaisical approach to anxiety and worry and stress. “The smell of smoke,” I was told, “isn’t even on you.” A statement too grand to not cast at His feet.
“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” Jeremiah 33:3 struck deeply within my core. It became the prayer of my heart as a young teenager. Trying and failing at imagining what the Lord could reveal to me, something too grand for my comprehension. I was hungry to see it. I wanted it to be my way of escape.
As I sit here in this room hearing the angst of anxiety and worry and stress, I understand a bit more about this truth. I no longer hear the promise of the Father’s written Word; I see it. I may not have been shielded from the sorrow that is called my upbringing, but I was shielded from the anxiety that should have walked me throughout my days.
I look at the long days that make up this short life of mine and see the great and hidden things that wrapped itself around me. Miscarriages that brought tears without worry. Medical diagnoses that brought pain without anxiety. Life moments that brought reality without stress. Life has thrown itself all around me, but the smell of its presence lay silent on the floor.
God promises that when we call, He will answer. As He answers, He will show us things beyond our comprehension. I have been waiting for something that I could see, but I wonder if it is the unseen evidence of His Presence that explains my feeling of absence in this room. Do I battle with anxiety, No. But I know who does. His name is I AM.
I look around this room offering one word, one promise. Simple yet sweetly complete.
Call.
He promises that He will answer.
He promises that He will show you great and hidden things.
Friend, call.
Then, open your eyes and see.
“Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”-Jeremiah 33:3
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